Barefoot in the park

'Twas in the spring, then spring became the summer, it got too hot to wear a cardigan... uh, I don't know where I'm going with that too-poor-to-be-a-parody, so let's just move right along to today's topic: skincare! I don't know about you, but I've been revelling in the recent warm weather: sunbathing every day, skipping to work in skirts, bare legs and sandals, getting my skin out...

...and of course, all that sun, combined with already dry skin that's been under wraps all winter, has taken its toll. I'm in need of some serious skincare TLC, and have bust open my cupboard full of ultra-rich body butters, oils and moisturisers to try and quench my dry skin. Because when you're flashing the flesh in a summer dress, skin needs to be plump, dewy, and happy.

Annoyingly, you can no longer seem to get one of my favourite body moisturisers, the Barefoot Doctor's Damn Sexy Heavenly Body Butter. This might have something to do with the fact the good doctor had sex with a bunch of his patients, major scandal, and so on; but c'mon, what's a bit of unprofessional behaviour when moisturised skin is at stake?

Here are some of my favourites:

Bidadari Shimmering Body Souffle, by Sanctuary, comes in a pleasingly heavy glass jar with a fancy metal fastening: you feel special just popping open the lid, before you've even plunged your fingers into the jellyish souffle. The texture is soft and wobbly, like lightly whipped cream, and spreads easily and generously: you only need a small blob for each leg, rather than a whopping great handful. The scent is an acquired taste, however, and it is a shimmer product: but subtly so, adding a gentle glimmer to sheeny skin, rather than a Pussycat Dolls-style glitter overload.

Soap and Glory Big Butter Lemon, Flowers and Orange, comes in a bog-standard plastic pot, but don't let the whiff of cheap packaging fool ya: this product is scent-sational! (Yes, I went there. No, I'm not proud.) I actually like the kitschtastic Rainbow Brite-ish packaging, but it's not the chicest product out there. However, it does smell creamily, dreamily good, and butters you up a treat.

Buffy the Backside Slayer, a butt-buffing body butter bar by Lush, is practically perfect in every way: it's a little bit gritty, to exfoliate; it's a little bit greasy, to moisturise; it's a little bit scented; it leaves buttucks so peachy you could make cobbler with them; and it's got a funny name. If it doesn't leave you as bootilicious as it should, try the more emoliant Aqua Mirabilis bar instead: just as good, minus the great name.

Cocoa Buttercream Frosting Body Butter is not for the mature palate: in fact, none of Jaqua's products are. They may come in sophisticated card boxes, with elegantly stickered tubs inside, but they all basically smell like a 6-year-old sugar addict's dream. If you like chocolate, vanilla, icing, sugar, marshmallows, etc., this is no bad thing. The thick butter spreads on skin brilliantly, though it is really, really rich -- use just a couple of times a week, and be warned, wasps and bees will probably follow you around.


[Sorry everyone -- Photobucket hates booty, for some reason. Image will be restored when I'm back in my Bunker O' Photoshop. Sheesh. I bet Style.com never has this problem.]
Bidadari Shimmering Body Souffle, £9.95 by Sanctuary
Buffy the Backside Slayer, from £4.50 by Lush
"touch me then try to leave" body cream, $28.00 by Benefit
Soap and Glory Big Butter Lemon, Flowers and Orange, £9.50 at Boots
Johnson's Baby Oil, $5.29 from Drugstore.com
Cocoa Buttercream Frosting Body Butter, $22.00 by Jaqua

Enjoy showing off your beautiful new skin this summer, but: don't forget to use suntan lotion and after-sun!!! You'll thank me when you're old and yet un-wrinkly. You may feel greasier than Peter Andre, and have to wash your sheets all the damn time, but seriously: USE SUNSCREEN!!! [/End of TFFF mini-lecture]