Barefoot in the park

'Twas in the spring, then spring became the summer, it got too hot to wear a cardigan... uh, I don't know where I'm going with that too-poor-to-be-a-parody, so let's just move right along to today's topic: skincare! I don't know about you, but I've been revelling in the recent warm weather: sunbathing every day, skipping to work in skirts, bare legs and sandals, getting my skin out...

...and of course, all that sun, combined with already dry skin that's been under wraps all winter, has taken its toll. I'm in need of some serious skincare TLC, and have bust open my cupboard full of ultra-rich body butters, oils and moisturisers to try and quench my dry skin. Because when you're flashing the flesh in a summer dress, skin needs to be plump, dewy, and happy.

Annoyingly, you can no longer seem to get one of my favourite body moisturisers, the Barefoot Doctor's Damn Sexy Heavenly Body Butter. This might have something to do with the fact the good doctor had sex with a bunch of his patients, major scandal, and so on; but c'mon, what's a bit of unprofessional behaviour when moisturised skin is at stake?

Here are some of my favourites:

Bidadari Shimmering Body Souffle, by Sanctuary, comes in a pleasingly heavy glass jar with a fancy metal fastening: you feel special just popping open the lid, before you've even plunged your fingers into the jellyish souffle. The texture is soft and wobbly, like lightly whipped cream, and spreads easily and generously: you only need a small blob for each leg, rather than a whopping great handful. The scent is an acquired taste, however, and it is a shimmer product: but subtly so, adding a gentle glimmer to sheeny skin, rather than a Pussycat Dolls-style glitter overload.

Soap and Glory Big Butter Lemon, Flowers and Orange, comes in a bog-standard plastic pot, but don't let the whiff of cheap packaging fool ya: this product is scent-sational! (Yes, I went there. No, I'm not proud.) I actually like the kitschtastic Rainbow Brite-ish packaging, but it's not the chicest product out there. However, it does smell creamily, dreamily good, and butters you up a treat.

Buffy the Backside Slayer, a butt-buffing body butter bar by Lush, is practically perfect in every way: it's a little bit gritty, to exfoliate; it's a little bit greasy, to moisturise; it's a little bit scented; it leaves buttucks so peachy you could make cobbler with them; and it's got a funny name. If it doesn't leave you as bootilicious as it should, try the more emoliant Aqua Mirabilis bar instead: just as good, minus the great name.

Cocoa Buttercream Frosting Body Butter is not for the mature palate: in fact, none of Jaqua's products are. They may come in sophisticated card boxes, with elegantly stickered tubs inside, but they all basically smell like a 6-year-old sugar addict's dream. If you like chocolate, vanilla, icing, sugar, marshmallows, etc., this is no bad thing. The thick butter spreads on skin brilliantly, though it is really, really rich -- use just a couple of times a week, and be warned, wasps and bees will probably follow you around.

Bidadari Shimmering Body Souffle, £9.95 by Sanctuary
Buffy the Backside Slayer, from £4.50 by Lush
"touch me then try to leave" body cream, $28.00 by Benefit
Soap and Glory Big Butter Lemon, Flowers and Orange, £9.50 at Boots
Johnson's Baby Oil, $5.29 from Drugstore.com
Cocoa Buttercream Frosting Body Butter, $22.00 by Jaqua

Enjoy showing off your beautiful new skin this summer, but: don't forget to use suntan lotion and after-sun!!! You'll thank me when you're old and yet un-wrinkly. You may feel greasier than Peter Andre, and have to wash your sheets all the damn time, but seriously: USE SUNSCREEN!!! [/End of TFFF mini-lecture]

Sweet Little Nothings

Once you pass a certain cup size finding a cute bra is a needle in a haystack search. Everything tends towards representing one of the three Bs - Blah, Beige or Boring. Its as though lingerie designers think aesthetic sensibility decreases as cup size increases. Past a C cup and the lingo becomes all about "support" possibly because after taking one look at the myriad of plain beige bras a girl really does need a group hug - as such were going to focus on three brands that provide some much needed eye candy.

FREYA
Now this is some seriously cute stuff - if you've ever wondered where Elle Woods would buy her undies look no further. While there is a good mix of basic and bold the really over the top bras are what make this line special. As far as sizing goes Freya has the biggest selection of all the brands - they extend up to a J cup though make sure to measure and follow the sizing guide carefully. As I said what I love about these are their penchant for brightness. The whimsical color combinations and details really make the bras fun. I personally love The Daisy bra for its sheer joie de vivre. The lime green and hot pink are so relentlessly girly I can't help but smile.

Pricing: $$$
Sizes: C - J
Sugar or Spice?: Sugar
Available @: Figleaves.com & Several retail locations

FAYREFORM
Ooh la la! These are among the more decadent offerings with styles that scream boudoir moreso than bedroom. Lots of lace and little bows - it all screams French coquette or madame depending on who you ask. Everything is very sensual and elegant - the sort of stuff one might wish to save for a special occasion but nuts to that, every day is special. Since I mentioned coquettes before I have to say that the Paragon bra is absolutely perfect if one is feeling particularly coquettish. Its sexy black lace but the pastel accents make it just a little delicate.

Pricing: $$$ - $$$
Sizes:
Sugar or Spice?: Spice
Available @: Bare Necessities.com & Several retail locations


CACIQUE
I am going to have to give credit where credit is due - when it comes to cute underthings Lane Bryant actually delivers. While the vast majority of their product line underwhelms me the Cacique intimates line is chock full of very attractive non-run of the mill bras in a wide range of sizes. Granted, the styles tend to be more sugar than spice but high five to LB for doing something right for once. The Polka Dot Plunge bra is a particularly cute option with its retro styled polka dots.

Pricing: $
Sizes: B - H
Sugar or Spice: Sugar
Available @ : Lane Bryant nationwide

Alright ladies, I've put up my picks for cute bras. What are yours? Where do you look for cute bras?

Color by Technicolor

I don't know about anyone else but I'm all about color right now. Not just color but the brightest most saturated brights in existence. Weeks of bronchitis and all things drab have left me eager for the full Crayola box selection. Since it is spring - and the stores are full of the latest in almost florescent color - its the perfect time to explore all that is bright and punchy. Of course we know that color this vivid can be a bit tricky so we have a little guide to navigating the dos and donts of bright colors.

Bold Color at Jil Sander, Sonia Rykiel and Marc by Marc Jacobs

1. Keep It Simple: Neon colors pack a punch all by themselves so one can keep the patterns to a minimum. Too much pattern and color could wind up looking too loud - or worse yet too 80s if done wrong. There is a fine line between looking chic and looking like an extra from a Duran Duran video. If you absolutely must go you're going to go for a pattern make sure its balanced - the right mix of neutral and bold. You might even want to try one of the numerous Balenciaga inspired floral patterns that abound this season.

2. Adjusting the Levels: There is bright and then there is BRIGHT. Neon can be very harsh so its important to pick the right shades to flatter your skintone. In general the warmer toned brights are more universally flattering - instead of an acid yellow go for a sunnier shade. Its important to always consult a mirror before wearing bright colors because the undertones in your skin play such a role in which shades will work best.

3. Balance: Head to toe neon is best left for fashion editorials and raves. Balance out your brights with subtler colors. Neutrals are great for this but don't be afraid to experiment with unexpected color combinations. Look at how well the pale pink and bright orange combo works at Jil Sander - sometimes a pastel or muted color can work just as well as a neutral.

4. Be Fearless: Fashion magazines are filled with crap about how black is slimming and blah blah wear dark colors if you aren't size 0. Forget all that garbage. Its spring - no one wants to be dressed like they're on the way to a funeral. Color is an incredible way to stand out in a crowd - however if you do feel shy about wearing such bright colors try a bright handbag or shoes instead.


Yellow Belted Mac - Evans, Black Straight Leg Jeans - Old Navy, Green Suede Bag - Derek Lam (in stores only), Yellow & Beige Pumps - L.A.M.B., Oversized Sunglasses - Tom Ford, Andy Warhol Union Square Fragrance - Bond No. 9

Now I've put together a little outfit with a lot of color that I think shows off a wearable version of this trend. We've got a great little top from Evans, in the perfect lemon yellow shade paired with classic black jeans from Old Navy. I think this combo is just great for spring and very easy to wear. For added interest we've got an equally juicy combo of accessories - amazing colorblocked pumps from L.A.M.B. (their shoes are consistently offbeat quirky) and an apple green suede bag from Derek Lam. Notice that the top and shoes are yellow but the bag is green - you don't want to do all one color its good to have a bit of difference to mix things up. Top it all off with a pair of over the top Tom Ford sunglasses and a spritz of Bond No. 9's latest pop art fragrance and you're good to go.

Will you be wearing bright colors this spring or are you planning on skipping this trend? I've already started up on it to be honest and I don't plan on stopping until the weather cools down.

Illustrating a point

With illustration such a big trend this spring (check out UK Vogue's round-up of illustrated cosmetics' packaging, and, duh, Prada's drool-worthy Flower Faerie collection), I couldn't, Carrie "Now On the Big Screen and Thus Totally Relevant in 2008" Bradshaw-style, help but wonder: do fashion's illustrations influence the size debate?

One of the most oft-cited idiotic excuses designers use to defend their choice of wafer-thin models on the catwalks, is some variation on the "curves – breasts and thighs and rounded bits - ruin the line of the clothes"/"the design was perfect on paper, it gets distorted by breasts" etc.

What they're talking about is how the ideal of the design, on paper, works differently when translated into fabric and placed on a real body. Inevitably, when one designs in a 2D paper format, the final result will be different. You're going from a painting to an object. Yet, rather than accept that the finished piece (a dress, skirt, trouser, what have you), is the real design, and the original illustration is merely a piece of artistic whimsy, designers all too often cling to the illustration as the perfect realisation of the design, with the clothing itself a poor facsimile of what could have been.

In a sane world, we would shake our heads and say, "But isn't the point of designing clothes to design, well, clothes? So if you can't design a dress on paper that works well when made, you're not very good at your job. And if you only want to design dresses on paper, go off and be a painter, or a full-time illustrator."

But this is fashion. So instead, as we've seen, we blame the models for distorting the design/ruining the line/stretching the fabric. That's not exactly what I want to examine here: we've discussed designers' wacky views of women's bodies on the catwalk fairly often; let's now move the discussion over to how they imagine women's bodies.

Ever noticed that the women in fashion illustrations have something in common, both with each other, and with catwalk models? Let's take a look:

Ceci n'est pas des femmes

Aside from the issues of race (seriously, where are the non-Caucasian fashion illustrations? Is there some massive shortage of brown ink that we don't know about?), the distortions of illustrated women's bodies are just insane.

It's no wonder designers see a difference between their designs as idealised on paper, and the finished product. It's one thing to add a dash of fantasy to illustrations - they are, after all, an artwork in themselves. But they should be secondary to the real deal, secondary to the reason those illustrations exist in the first place: the clothes.

Yet designers persist in cladding imaginary girls thinner than the paper they're drawn on. I'd love to see the illustrations done by plus designers: Anna Scholz, Marina Rinaldi, et al. Do they, too, whisk their pencil and conjure whippet-thin women, or are their drawings more closely related to the end product?

Do these illustrations matter? Should we concentrate solely on real women, on getting plus-sized models into the magazines and onto the catwalks alongside their thinner colleagues, rather than distracting ourselves with the semantics of cartoons?

I think it matters. Because when you write, or draw, you have absolute freedom. There isn't a client saying, "customers won't respond to an advert with a black model"; or a stylist saying, "fat chicks won't fit into these sample sizes". There aren't real-world, financial implications. Unless you're drawing to commission from a fashion magazine, in which case, are the magazines specifiying "thin imaginary models only, please - and make them white"?

There's just paper, pencil, and imagination. Every race, height, hair colour, size is at your disposal when you illustrate. And yet, even when there are no limits, all we see is thin.

"Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be..."

Who wasn't in love with the star prints shown by The Kaiser at Chanel, and Stefano Pilati at Yves Saint Laurent, this season? So 1920s Americana, so patriotic, so red white and blue, so "let's do it for our country!" "Oh, Lewis!"...*

The answer to this mostly rhetorical question is, of course, NOBODY. The world has gone star(k) staring mad. (See what I did?!) London's Oxford Street-Regent Street high-street hub has turned into the MGM of yesteryear: more stars than there are in the heavens. Yet as the lights go out all over Europe, I forget about all Hollywood, because Doris Day could never make me cheer up, quite the way those French girls always could the high-street, usually a place (state of mind?) I am likely to pledge my firstborn unto for ripping off catwalk looks at lemonade prices, has, on this occasion, GONE TOO FAR.

STARS ARE EVERYWHERE. IT'S FREAKING ME OUT.

But, and yet. I still love the star prints. How can one not? It's spring! (Allegedly.) What could be funner and flirtier than a navy, star-printed shortie jumpsuit and a pair of fabulous sunglasses? Unfortunately, not only does everybody else love the look, it ain't subtle. If three lasses all wear jumper dresses to the same bar, no-one would know. Three of you wear a star-print -- even in wildly varying forms, a jumpsuit here, a cardigan there -- oh, the jokes will never end. Yet there is still, to quote Heaven 17: temptation.

Here's how to indulge in the trend without going starry-eyed:

Clockwise from top left:
Stila All-Over Liquid Shimmer, $22 from Stila.com
Stila All-Over Shimmer Eyes in #7, Champagne, $18 from Stila.com
Magic Stars, £0.44 from Sweetiebag.com
Fresh Supernova Mascara, $25 from Sephora.com
Angel by Thierry Mugler, $45 from Sephora.com
Silver Star Chain, $9.99 from GirlProps.com
Barry M Dazzle Dusts, £4.50 from Superdrug.com
Champagne Supernova Bath Bomb, £2.65 from Lush.co.uk

If that little lot isn't ample sufficiency, well...why not have a read of the excellent Star, and its even better sequel, Star Struck, by noted author Pamela Anderson?

*Quick poll: who was hotter -- Lewis from Grease 2, or Kenickie from Grease? Or has Jeff Conaway's latterday behaviour/appearance negated all Kenix hotness forever? One to ponder...

Independent Women

The Independent on Sunday yesterday carried a story in their news section on the new size acceptance, citing Adele, Marina Rinaldi, the size 16 winner of the Surrey heat of the Miss England competition, and the monthly online magazine Just As Beautiful.

(Is it sour grapes to harumph about poor journalism by saying they totally should have mentioned Too Fat For Fashion...?)

Have a read, and, as ever, let us know what you think.

Adieu tristesse, bonjour tristesse...

Many thanks to all of our readers who commented or emailed suggestions for my continental European shopping trip! Unfortunately in amongst all the walking and eating (oh my, the eating... if anybody can tell me where I can get pickled garlic cloves in the UK, I will be forever grateful), I didn't do an awful lot of shopping. But I did pick up a few vintage and flea market finds, which I shall share with you now, just for funsies.

Mi amor & sic amor
10 & 20 rue du Pont Louis-Philippe
www.mi-amor.com

Cute 'n' kitsch jewellery and accessories -- like a half-burned cigarette pin, with tiny red paste jewels at the 'lit' tip, for €10. Also, the cutest and most expensive postcards in the world. Sure, you can write home to everyone you know on ugtastic 6-for-a-Euro cards, but if you like things pretty, drop a whole Euro (each!) on the carte postale from this delightful shop. (Also in the vicinity: the most wonderful music, stationery and specialist boutiques you could hope for.)

Ladurée
Champs Elysées & other addresses
www.laduree.fr

OMG. OMG. Even if I say 'fairytale' and 'chocolate box' and 'cherubs on the ceiling', I can't convey how fabulous this tea room/Purveyor of Heavenly Macaroons is. Quite simply the best macaroons in the world -- in flavours such as chocolate, rose petal, pistachio, raspberry, cherry, vanilla, Champagne, and Indian rose. Thank heavens there is a branch in London.

Free P Star
8 Ste-Croix-de-la-Bretonnerie

I found an amazing leather satchel here for €5, as well as a sparkly gold jumper (€3), and a fabulous and very on-trend red ruffled dress (€10), which I plan to wear with slouchy knee-high tan leather boots for a '70s feel. All are pictured below. This boutique is awesomely rummage-y, and fantasticly cheap: so refreshing after London's vintage shops, which, thanks to Kate Moss, all charge outrageous prices. Also, the best falafel in the world are sold nearby...fact. There are a bunch of other great vintage shops nearby, and at one of these I found the other leather satchel I bought, for €20 (I have a leather satchel weakness...), but foolishly didn't take down the name.

Colette
213 rue Saint-Honoré
www.colette.fr

I didn't buy much here, mostly because I'm on a writer's income (and not the JK Rowling sort), but I did pick up a totally cute Liberty-print stuffed rabbit toy/objét-type-thing, since it was nearly Easter. Check him out, below -- €10 totally well spent! I also got a badge reading, ma vie est tout à fait fascinante. I wish I'd picked up the book as well (which is available at Amazon France -- or Amazonique, as I like to (wrongly) call it), but I'd just dropped €30 on Time For Action (There's No Option) About Feminism at the delightful Palais de Tokyo, I couldn't really justify it.

(Ooh, also at the Palais de Tokyo, I got another badge, this one featuring a little pink foot, and the text 'Cinderalla's quest'. I'm starting to add up the hows, whys and wherefores of how I came home broke...)

Finally, at various tackorama tourist souvenir shops and flea markets, I picked up an adorable and kitsch Eiffel Tower bracelet, made out of gold-painted cheap metal sure to turn my wrist green, and a selection of silver rings (in Amsterdam), all pictured below.


Clockwise from left: red ruffled dress, €10 at Free P Star, and detail; gold spangly jumper, €3 at Free P Star; leather satchel, €20 from vintage shop, um, nearby Free P Star (I'm so unhelpful), and detail; floral lapin, €10 from Colette; and totally different brown leather satchel, €5 from Free P Star.


Clockwise from top left: Silver rings, in amethyst, jade, coral and tiger eye, €2 each from an Amsterdam market; Eiffel Tower bracelet, €6 from the tourist shop opposite Fontaine St Michel in Paris.

That's it, kids. Thanks for all your help and suggestions, I'm only sorry I was unable to make good on them all, being somewhat distracted by Danish hair models and delicious macaroons. Oh! and in Copenhagen, I picked up a red-on-white fitted men's tee from the lovely Oscar Bar Cafe, a friendly and fab gay bar staffed exclusively by adorable Thierry Henry lookalikes.

Ah, shopping. How you make my life sparkle. Verily, I feel like Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, without the midgety and creepy husband.